My husband is always trying to make me feel like I am incapable of doing things right without him, what should I do? _Jazz/ Helplessly Annoyed_
Hello Jazz,
Your husband seem to be having a very common case of an Ego, which could be harmless if put in the right perspective, meaning, if you don't take his behavior too personally. There is also a possibility that your husband may not feel important enough and lack confidence and self esteem.
SIDE NOTE: Every man need to feel needed by their spouse, but most often women are trapped within a complex of needing to feel independent and self sufficient. This can create hostility within the relationship and power struggles. Unfortunately we have all been culturally conditioned which have produced men that feel like they have to boast on his ability and women that have a ruthless need to feel secure, even if they have to secure it themselves. Its within the nature of a man to desire to have all the answers for his family and its within the nature of a woman to become whatever she feel is lacking. The key is finding balance with the woman willing to be vulnerable enough to make her man feel needed/respected and the man willing to ensure the woman that he will love, protect, and provide support, sufficient for living.
Added affirmation should stop the husbands behavior and need for approval, however, its going to be important that the wife communicate how the husbands behavior make her feel, and that if the husband need more attention etc. He need to effectively communicate his desire without boasting in himself at the wife expense.
Please be cautious in making sure that there isn't additional underlining issues that may be detrimental to the relationship such as Narcissism or borderline personality disorder etc. Please seek professional help via counseling immediately to help bring order to the relationship.
The most important aspect of all of this is that you know that your sufficiency is not in your husband and although his need to feel important may be inducing his behavior the truth is, you are more than able to do what is required without him, however, you need him to assist you in building a strong structure, you are better together, like peanut butter and jelly. Can you sustain your taste aside from him, yes, but you both add a different element to the relationship that work when you both work together. Insinuate this attitude redirecting his motives and helping him understand that you both are needed. Also don't be afraid of highlighting his strengths, before he gets a chance to remind you that he does something well, beat him to it.
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PLEASE NOTE: Please use advice at your own discretion, Belinda and her staff do not assume responsibility for your choice to implement advice.
